


True friends stab you in the front

by Itsnotokaysammy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Casifer, Depressed Castiel, Depression, M/M, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Praying to Castiel, Sleep Deprivation, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:26:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsnotokaysammy/pseuds/Itsnotokaysammy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean lays awake at night and can't stop wondering about why Castiel had said yes to Lucifer</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inspired by 'True Friends' by Bring me the Horizon</p>
            </blockquote>





	True friends stab you in the front

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this is shit but I think this is what happened inside Dean's head after he found out about Castiel having said yes.
> 
> Don't be scared to comment :)

When Sam told him the news, Dean felt like his whole world was falling apart in front of his eyes.

All these months, it wasn't his best friend, Castiel talking to him. It was the devil, the probably evilest creation to ever exist. All this time, he was talking to Lucifer, sitting next to him and even sharing his secret about his bond with Amara with him. Castiel was the first one he trusted enough to tell his secret. Even more than Sam.

But that wasn't the worst. The worst was that neiither Dean nor Sam had noticed Cas not being Cas.

They should have noticed something was off when Castiel got his strength back all of a sudden, right after they got back from hell. The real Cas was still weak, most of the time laying in Sam's bed, watching Netflix. Dean thought that maybe he was kind of depressed after all this shit going on recently. He wanted to talk to Cas, he really did. But he is no good with words, so he decided he would let his actions speak. Buy Cas something special, make him peanutbutter sandwiches, visit a garden with him. But then his behaviour changed abruptely. He thought that hes finally feeling better. Turned out this was not the case. His friend was actually way beyond good because Lucifer wore him as his meatsuit and that couldn't feel great. Sam could probably understand it better than him.

And that's why Dean Winchester is now laying wide awake in his bed at 4:24 AM.

Because he couldn't stop thinking about why Castiel would say yes. And when.

Maybe this was planned. Maybe Lucifer visited his dreams, like Rowenas. But Cas didn't sleep, so he had no dreams.

Of course Dean didn't know about all the times he accidentally hurt his friend or about what Amara and that angel told him.

He didn't know how worthless his angel felt and how badly he wanted to be useful again.

_Cas just wanted to help._ Dean told himself over and over again. Still he couldn't help but doubt that Cas actually wanted good for them. Why would he suddenly believe the devil, Cas knew what he was capable of, once on earth. But there that no way would want bad for them. They were his family and he loved them. And Dean loved Cas. Maybe a little bit more than he should. But that didn't matter now.

Of course Dean didn't know that Cas felt the same way about him and that Lucifer is always teasing him about his feelings for the human.

He didn't know that he thought Dean wouldn't love him back.

At 5:39 AM, the hunter's thoughts were still spinning around questions over questions. He needed answers. But he couldn't get answers when he needed sleep. But he couldn't sleep when he needed answers.

At 6 AM he started to blame himself for it. He realized that he only ever called for the angel, when he or Sam needed his help. Not once did he call him to just hang out or to ask him how he is doing. Cas had to deal with his shit on his own, while his friends didn't seem to care.

And that was when he started praying.

_Hey Cas, uh , I don't know if you can hear me but if you do make sure you listen carefully. I don't know what this is all about, but whatever it is, you should have come to us. Maybe you didn't always feel like yiou could, you gotta know that you can. We care for you and we want you back. iIwant you back. And I'm sorry if you ever thought otherwise._

_Amen_

And that is how Dean finally fell asleep with an image of Castiel in his mind.

 


End file.
